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How Do I Talk to My Ex | Ep 02

Do you struggle to communicate effectively with your ex? In this episode I discuss strategies for relating to your ex in a way that is going to create a sense of calm, ease, and comfort in your life rather than stress and resentment. Let's start establishing some "rules of engagement."



  • Rules of engagement
  • Calls and texts
  • Activities


When exes are trying to communicate and it’s not going well, they haven’t really created any rules of engagement or a system that will work for both of them. This leaves both parties feeling dissatisfied and unhappy.

There are things you can do when you are interacting with your ex, to ensure that is as productive as possible and takes the least amount of energy as possible.


“Generally what I’ve seen is that random texts back and forth throughout the day are disruptive for everybody. It works much better when there’s a plan for how often you’re going to text and when you’re going to text. If you’re even texting at all.”

Come up with rules of engagements for how you will communicate with your ex.

  • Would you like to have a check-in call with your ex once a day/week/month?
  • Will you only reserve texts and calls for emergencies?
  • Do you maybe want to have a shared Google doc to input information and give updates?
  • Will you look into using a shared calendar or a financial app?


“Resentment is automatically what will happen when expectations are not really clear and agreements are not made.”

  • What activities will you attend together?
  • Which occasions will you see each other at?
  • Will you speak to each other when you bump into each other?
  • What will you do for the kid’s birthdays?


Be pro-active when it comes to communication, boundaries, and expectations. However, it takes 2 people to come up with a collaborative way to communicate post-divorce.


About your host:

Susan Orenstein, Ph.D.

Dr. Susan Orenstein is a licensed psychologist and relationship expert  with over twenty years of experience. In 2005, she founded Orenstein Solutions, a private counseling practice in North Carolina that serves children, teens, adults and couples. 

She created the After the First Marriage Podcast to support individuals through the significant life transition of divorce. She whole-heartedly believes that “happily ever after” is an option for everyone, and is dedicated to helping divorcées regain the confidence to pursue a fulfilling future after the first marriage. 

Whether you listen to the podcast, join the Facebook community, or follow along on Twitter,  you’re in the right place!

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