Now playing:

Dating Confidence Coach, Kimmy Seltzer | Ep 11

Are you wanting to dive back into the world of dating but are unsure of how to go about it? How does one begin to date and flirt again after a separation? What tools can help you begin this transition? In this podcast episode, I speak about dating confidence with Confidence Therapist Kimmy Seltzer.


Kimmy Seltzer is a Confidence Therapist and Authentic Dating Strategist. With a vat of knowledge and experience as a therapist, certified style coach, dating coach, and matchmaker, she has helped people find lasting love and connection, attract success and build valuable relationships using her unique “confidence makeover” process.

Using an outside-in approach, Kimmy implements targeted style, emotional and social intelligence in people’s lives using her signature formula, “The Charisma Quotient,” working on body language, first impressions, image and messaging, and how it impacts attraction.

This Los Angeles-based expert travels the country helping people discover confidence, charisma, and connection as a speaker at National Matchmaking Conferences, eHarmony, Neutrogena, The Guild at Universal, UCLA, and iDate. Kimmy is also a regular contributor to the Huffington Post with appearances in Cosmopolitan, Oprah Magazine, Redbook, Reader’s Digest, AskMen, Fox News Magazine, Yahoo, and the Washington Examiner, among a myriad of other publications.

You can also find Kimmy as the leading love expert on the traveling live dating show The Great Love Debate and the cable reality dating show, The Romance. She is the Love Coach for the dating app Datefit. And she currently is hosting The Flirt Academy workshops nationwide.

Visit Kimmy’s website and connect on Facebook, Twitter, YouTube, LinkedIn, Pinterest, and Instagram. Listen to Kimmy’s podcast here.



  • The Charisma Quotient
  • Nervous to flirt after a long marriage?
  • Steps to try if you are more introverted


Raising people’s style intelligence:

Kimmy Seltzer teaches people that this first step is how to understand what looks good on their body. Which colors work well with your skin tone, which styles are more flattering for your figure. The first outside-to-inside step towards building a person’s confidence.

Emotional intelligence:

This step places emphasis on how you feel in your body, both in the old clothes you used to wear and the new clothes that symbolize the shift into this transition. How do you express yourself and what you want through the clothes that you wear?

Social intelligence:

Helps you to manage interpersonal communication, as well as how to upskill your conversational skills and learning how to flirt, a scary yet beneficial and important skill to learn. With these three tools and skills a person can better understand where they are now and also where they would like to be, and can help a person build up their confidence after a divorce or separation.


For most people, flirting is a difficult and perhaps frightening thing to do, because they may think that it is a straight road to another relationship, however it is not.

“But if you look at the definition of flirting in the dictionary, its actually fascinating: it is to behave as though you are attracted to someone without the serious intention of an outcome.”

For many people, the attachment to the outcome is what trips them up and creates the anxiety around flirting but in fact, there is no serious intention for a specific outcome in true flirting, unless you want there to be one.  People may get ahead of themselves and get worked up about flirting because they do not want to fall into another relationship until they are ready, but in fact, flirting is merely a playfulness.

“Flirting is creating a magnetic energy that draws people to you and it’s a playfulness. When you’re in that state of playfulness, which to me is part of charisma, it’s magnetic. And when you attract people, there’s a confidence that goes with that.”

You are the one who decides who you want to keep playing with, so to speak. When you begin dating after a divorce you may still be in relationship-mode, therefore with flirting you learn how to be in a more playful state without getting attached. Therefore, flirting is a crucial aspect to learn about and work with them you are going out there into the world again.

Prior to starting a new, sincere relationship after separation, have a transitional romance beforehand; something that is a little out of your sorts to almost ‘reset’ you after a long marriage and/ or divorce. This is also a period wherein you are dating yourself and getting to know yourself again as a separate entity from your previous partner. This is where “action is key” and why it is a good combination to recommend therapy with coaching; you work with both your mind and your external body.


“People label themselves as shy or not confident when really its just a lack of exposure and experience around something.”

People may feel introverted or shy when it comes to talking to new people or having to flirt, but maybe they are not solely shy but lack experience of striking up conversations with people. The key is practice. Practice disrupting the old patterns that you are stuck in to create space to make new ones.

“When you learn how to let go and come into your confidence, that’s when you make the magic because people love people who love themselves. At the end of the day it is about that self-love and that confidence and when you find tools and ways to help you get there, that’s really the magic.”

Confidence is similar to experience, this is why action is key. Divorce can shoot down the confidence of even the most self-assured person, and it may be one of the hardest parts of this transition. Take it step by step until you meet yourself with the confidence you know you can muster.

Download your free bodytype guide here, and get access to a virtual makeover!


About your host:

Susan Orenstein, Ph.D.

Dr. Susan Orenstein is a licensed psychologist and relationship expert  with over twenty years of experience. In 2005, she founded Orenstein Solutions, a private counseling practice in North Carolina that serves children, teens, adults and couples. 

She created the After the First Marriage Podcast to support individuals through the significant life transition of divorce. She whole-heartedly believes that “happily ever after” is an option for everyone, and is dedicated to helping divorcées regain the confidence to pursue a fulfilling future after the first marriage. 

Whether you listen to the podcast, join the Facebook community, or follow along on Twitter,  you’re in the right place!

Thanks for Listening!

Did you enjoy this podcast? Feel free to leave a rating or review of the After The First Marriage Podcast on Apple Podcasts and don’t forget to subscribe!

After The First Marriage is part of the Practice of the Practice Podcast Network, seeking to help you market & grow your business & yourself. To hear other podcasts, like Empowered & Unapologetic, Beta Male Revolution, or Bomb Mom Podcast, go to

Would love your thoughts, please comment.x