IN THIS PODCAST
- The crazy infatuation stage
- After the honeymoon stage
- Dating again post separation
- Tips for romance while avoiding trouble
THE CRAZY INFATUATION STAGE
We experience a craving for the person we have recently fallen in love with during the early infatuation period when they are all you can think about. This is because your brain creates a powerful romance cocktail to sustain this infatuation:
- Testosterone rises in women to increase their sex drive and lowers in men to keep their attention focused.
- Estrogen comes into play to fuel lust.
- Dopamine, noradrenaline, and serotonin are created in the brain, the feel-good chemicals.
All these chemicals combine into a potent love cocktail in the brain, encouraging your infatuation with your new partner. You take note of your partner’s good qualities and gloss over their negative ones, however by ignoring these frustrating traits, they become bigger and more annoying the longer the relationship continues as the cocktail waters down.
AFTER THE HONEYMOON STAGE
After about two years, this flow of chemicals and serotonin wears off to save the body and mind from a hormonal burnout. It is during this time that the attachment feelings of the honeymoon phase begin to loosen, and it may begin to feel that you are falling out of love with that person.
“So that initial love, that initial glow doesn’t last but what can happen for couples who stay together is that they develop a more mature kind of love. They develop a way to be a team, to collaborate, to create a mission statement and something bigger than themselves.”
This something can be having and raising children together, it could be building a business or joining their families. This is why a divorce can be so painful when things fall apart, but it does not mean that you will not be able to replicate these methods in the future, with another partner.
DATING AGAIN POST SEPARATION
- Introduce your date to your loved ones and see how they all get along.
- Choose a member or two of your closest circle and ask their opinion on your new partner, and be open to what their opinions may be.
- When you are dating a new partner, do not be afraid to get specific with yourself, and ask yourself questions – that is key: ask yourself how you feel. Does this person like you for the same reasons you like yourself? Do you feel comfortable and calm around them?
There are some more difficult yet equally important questions to ask, such as:
- How did my date treat other people? Were they patient and friendly?
Enjoy the love feeling but still be specific and honest with yourself about their behavior and how it made, or makes, you feel, and if you pick up on any potentially negative patterns.
TIPS FOR ROMANCE WHILE AVOIDING TROUBLE
- Continue to assess yourself and your partner as the dating continues and keep checking in with yourself to see if this is something that you are happy with and want to continue.
- Observe how you and your new partner respond to stressors, such as when there is something unexpected, or they are required to exert a little patience or humility.
- See one another at their worst. This may not be romantic, but it is important for the relationship to work and be equal.
It is a success when you date someone and then find out that maybe they’re not for you, because although this feels counterintuitive, it means that you are aware of what you want and what you do not want, and you will not settle.