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Communicating with your Ex, Part 1 of 4 | Ep 22

Do you need to communicate with your ex? How can you discuss a topic with your ex without becoming riled up or frustrated? What can you do to keep calm and on track with the conversation? In part 1 of this 4 part series focusing on communicating with your ex, I speak about conditions for an amicable divorce.



  • Conditions for an amicable divorce discussion


  1. The foundation of it all is to create safety and take all threats off the table. Work with collaboration and sincerity. Make sure there are no threats, passive-aggressive or otherwise.
  2. Identify and set out boundaries between yourself and your partner to encourage effective conversations.
  3. Find a spatial boundary; a quiet, calm place without distractions where you can talk face-to-face or face-to-face over the phone.
  4. Find a boundary around time; set out an hour maximum or 10 minutes minimum in order to have a structured and focused conversation.
  5. Create a boundary of topics; remain focused on the topic at hand instead of floating around, because an open-ended conversation could lead you two down a rabbit hole.
  6. Do not go to war. Be wired for love, not for war. If you catch yourself or your partner making snide comments, you need to stop yourself, regroup or stop the talk in order to keep the conversation from becoming destructive or sour.


Stan Tatkin – Wired for Love


About your host:

Susan Orenstein, Ph.D.

Dr. Susan Orenstein is a licensed psychologist and relationship expert  with over twenty years of experience. In 2005, she founded Orenstein Solutions, a private counseling practice in North Carolina that serves children, teens, adults and couples. 

She created the After the First Marriage Podcast to support individuals through the significant life transition of divorce. She whole-heartedly believes that “happily ever after” is an option for everyone, and is dedicated to helping divorcées regain the confidence to pursue a fulfilling future after the first marriage. 

Whether you listen to the podcast, join the Facebook community, or follow along on Twitter,  you’re in the right place!

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