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It’s Never Too Late to Improve Your Sex Life, with sex therapist, Dr. Stephanie Buehler | Ep 39

What are the different approaches people take to sex with a new partner after a divorce? Why is it necessary for you to externalize the feelings from your previous relationship? How can talk therapy help you find closure and truly step into your life after a divorce? In this podcast episode, Dr. Susan Orenstein speaks about “It's Never Too Late to Improve Your Sex Life” with sex therapist Dr. Stephanie Buehler.



Dr. Stephanie Buehler is a licensed psychologist and AASECT certified sex therapist and supervisor. She is Director of The Buehler Institute and Dr. Buehler has written several books, including What Every Mental Health Professional Needs to Know about Sex, 2nd edition.

Visit the Learn Sex Therapy Website. Connect With them on Facebook and Instagram.

Connect with Dr. Buehler on Twitter and LinkedIn.

Enroll in one of Learn Sex Therapy’s Free Courses.



  • Sex after separation for men
  • Sex after separation for women
  • Moving on

Sex after separation for men

For anyone going through a separation from a long-standing partner, sex can be difficult.

For men who struggle with erectile dysfunction, or pre-or delayed-ejaculation issues, the problem could be physical, but often it is psychological.

There’s a lot that maybe has been happening for them emotionally, a lot of stressful things that they’re not really … attending to or they’re in denial about or they’re just trying to move past, so things don’t go well in the bedroom for them. (Dr. Stephanie Buehler)

Maybe a man’s mind is ready to go into the dating scene, but their emotions and their body is holding them back. Parts of yourself can be on different healing timelines, where the mind is ready for a relationship, but the emotion is still being processed.

Therefore, something like erectile dysfunction could be a symptom that the body is showcasing to the mind that you are not yet ready for a new relationship.

Sex after separation for women

Women who go through separation can experience the new dating scene completely differently from men.

Some women are not as interested in having new sexual experiences right away as they thought they would be, so they also have trouble relaxing and enjoying themselves.

Moving on

For both men and women, sex therapy is a tool to help them externalize the feelings and conversations that they are having mentally with their previous partner, and the marriage they ended, out into the open to help them heal and move on.

What we now know about the human brain is that we are wired to make sense [by creating] a narrative about our lives. When we don’t have a way to make sense of things our brain is still working on it. (Dr. Susan Orenstein)

The brain the wired for narratives because stories help people feel secure and understood; if they can understand the story around them.

Talking to a therapist is a necessary and helpful tool that people can use to make sense of their surroundings.


BOOK | Dr. Stephanie Buehler – What Every Mental Health Professional Needs to Know about Sex


About your host:

Susan Orenstein, Ph.D.

Dr. Susan Orenstein is a licensed psychologist and relationship expert  with over twenty years of experience. In 2005, she founded Orenstein Solutions, a private counseling practice in North Carolina that serves children, teens, adults and couples. 

She created the After the First Marriage Podcast to support individuals through the significant life transition of divorce. She whole-heartedly believes that “happily ever after” is an option for everyone, and is dedicated to helping divorcées regain the confidence to pursue a fulfilling future after the first marriage. 

Whether you listen to the podcast, join the Facebook community, or follow along on Twitter,  you’re in the right place!

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