MEET DR. STEPHANIE BUEHLER
Dr. Stephanie Buehler is a licensed psychologist and AASECT certified sex therapist and supervisor. She is Director of The Buehler Institute and LearnSexTherapy.com. Dr. Buehler has written several books, including What Every Mental Health Professional Needs to Know about Sex, 2nd edition.
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IN THIS PODCAST
- Sex after separation for men
- Sex after separation for women
- Moving on
Sex after separation for men
For anyone going through a separation from a long-standing partner, sex can be difficult.
For men who struggle with erectile dysfunction, or pre-or delayed-ejaculation issues, the problem could be physical, but often it is psychological.
There’s a lot that maybe has been happening for them emotionally, a lot of stressful things that they’re not really … attending to or they’re in denial about or they’re just trying to move past, so things don’t go well in the bedroom for them. (Dr. Stephanie Buehler)
Maybe a man’s mind is ready to go into the dating scene, but their emotions and their body is holding them back. Parts of yourself can be on different healing timelines, where the mind is ready for a relationship, but the emotion is still being processed.
Therefore, something like erectile dysfunction could be a symptom that the body is showcasing to the mind that you are not yet ready for a new relationship.
Sex after separation for women
Women who go through separation can experience the new dating scene completely differently from men.
Some women are not as interested in having new sexual experiences right away as they thought they would be, so they also have trouble relaxing and enjoying themselves.
For both men and women, sex therapy is a tool to help them externalize the feelings and conversations that they are having mentally with their previous partner, and the marriage they ended, out into the open to help them heal and move on.
What we now know about the human brain is that we are wired to make sense [by creating] a narrative about our lives. When we don’t have a way to make sense of things our brain is still working on it. (Dr. Susan Orenstein)
The brain the wired for narratives because stories help people feel secure and understood; if they can understand the story around them.
Talking to a therapist is a necessary and helpful tool that people can use to make sense of their surroundings.
BOOKS MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE
BOOK | Dr. Stephanie Buehler – What Every Mental Health Professional Needs to Know about Sex